hey everyone.... haha, if you are still reading this, i've moved!

www.annatserenity.blogspot.com

cya there...!

was reading through my previous entries, and i realise that, i have not been blogging really serious thoughts that i have... haha.... it's really strange, when i was reading them yesterday... it seems as though it was written by another person. somehow, i've morphed from an open person to one that is closed up... well, can't exactly pinpoint when the change took place, whether it was intentional or not, well, it just happened... anyway, just sort of noticed about it...

had a nice time recently, well, broke's the word... spending tons of money, but the revenue is unearned!! haha.... hopefully, just want to enjoy my break before internship... and just hoping that internship turns out to be a nice experience...

get more slp!!

damn. i used to hate it when my relatives say that i'm defensive since young. the need to defend anything that people say about u, just because u think that they are against u or something. now, that i'm older, i choose to defend the right kind of things, the things that are worth, or that it is even mature enough to defend about it. can't understand people sometimes, when they insist on knowing something, yet, professes to be unhappy about it, and, show it.... sigh.... perhaps, i'm just that cold-blooded...

maybe it's just me, that i've changed quite a bit. and, sometimes, it's hard to keep so many things lying inside me, so i say things out like now. yes, i have not been blogging as much as i used to, perhaps, kind of used to hiding things inside of me. my point is, just take me as i am, alright. hate porcupines.

perhaps, people like to think that i treat things as though the world revolves around me. not even gonna try to say anything about that, not worth it. if that's what they truly think, i can't do much about it. realise that very long ago. just that, perhaps, i'm as tired as everybody, trying to do the right things, and realise that if i do feel the same things back, i would be glad to. but i don't, and i don't want to keep trying to feel something when i simply don't.

i've said enough...

let go. that's the best thing that anyone can do towards anything. i realise that, when i hold on, i made myself damn unhappy. and when i'm unhappy, it's like, so? no sense in being unhappy i guess... so, i let go, not the total good feeling i have, but i feel much better.... =)

even though i harbour no ill feelings towards them, i would truly appreciate it if no one even mention them if possible. it's kind of childish, but, that's me in a way. see no evil, hear no evil. running away, so what? i can't possibly run from them forever, but while i still can, i don't see the harm?

having lots of fun watching the prince turns into a frog! so nice!! i cry while watching it! love it!!!

today is the 201 paper.... tried my best, but didn't manage to finish it. sigh, as usual, what's new??? sigh... hopefully, it's enough to get a pass at least. perhaps, i'm a realist at the end of the day.... i might not know if i have what it takes to be a good accountant, but i know, i try my best. maybe it's not the best, but i do try, and if it's not enough, i should just keep trying i guess. perhaps, i do also believe that, as long as u try, u will be rewarded.... i don't have to be rewarded substantially, just not to the extent that i'm a failure i guess, sigh..... right now, don't feel much, i've always been good numbing myself towards things i don't wanna feel. perhaps, when the results arrive, then i feel the full impact and start breaking down.... perhaps...

2 more papers to go... gonna study harder i guess... at least, it's less stressful for me, lesser concepts... haha, hopefully? sigh....

feeling left out about things recently.... make me feel like running away many times... i managed to stay.... don't know how much longer can i take sometimes..... trying trying....

tired tired.... blog more when i'm in happier mood....

a song, i've always love this song

beyonce knowles - listen

Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But can't complete

Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release
Oh,the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your ownall cause you won't
Listen....

[Chorus]
Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known

Oh,
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
So long ago

Oh I'm screaming out, for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen...

[Chorus]
I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't....
If you won't....
LISTEN!!!...

To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But I will complete
Oh,Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
my ownn...

well, down by one paper.... it's a relief yet not so too... haiz, as usual, i didn't manage to finish the paper, been doing my utmost best, but somehow, i'm always tied down by the first question. and the rest of the paper, well, it's really a race against time, and i always seem to lose... sigh, just hope that for the next paper, i can manage to finish it.... i have faith! always!! sigh, if only my heart really believes that.... been a pesismist recently.... =( just hope that i do well for the papers.... at least, just alright? sigh...

my initial plan was to blog a long entry about coping with things so far, however, my heart does not seem to be in it. perhaps, i've lost the mood already.... haha.... that's good in a way i guess, blogging about the sad past is really not a very healthy thing to do....

dread going to sch.... just the thought of spending a few hours in school is such a shuddering thought.... can't wait to get out of it once i've entered the sch, even though it's for a purpose, such as taking exams.... the profound feeling of dreading sch, perhaps, even hating it, stems from the fact that there's nothing for me to look forward in school.... well, the only thing that i'm being reminded of everytime, the failure i am, for doing badly, for not performing, it's a sucky feeling, but it's kind of hard not to think in this way, as the environment is such that? it is even more prominent during exams.... u feel your usefulness, or the lack of it.... it's such a pragmatic society, it really is.... u are only seen as useful, if u are smart.... well, don't understand why am i even commenting on it, perhaps, it's bloody obvious, and i love to talk about the things i can't stand... sometimes, i really wonder, where do people get the energy to compare, to try to be the best? when all they do is get each others throat... simply, i'm in the wrong place.... well, surprise... life still goes on... one more year.... can't wait....

been listening to FIR's and Fish Leong's song.... and i wanna dedicate a particular song to a fren... i just think of him whenever i hear the song.... but before the song, i just wanna say something in general... been running away recently, i don't know if anyone has picked on that.... i'm running away to the comforts of my family.... it's there when i feel safe, protected, away from competition, bad feelings.... and that, is what family is supposed to represent, however, if it's at the expense of my social life, then, there's something really wrong? i don't really know how to reconcile, except that, i feel very lonely when i'm away from my family... perhaps, that's the reason that i always want to run back to my family? sigh....

met a new friend from US recently... his name is eric... nice guy!!

alright, here's the song...

fish leong - 暖暖

都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
小火车摆动的旋律

都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你

细腻的喜欢
毛毯般的厚重感
晒过太阳熟悉的安全感
分享的汤我们俩吃汤吃一个碗
左心房暖暖的好保暖

我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心的对我好
不要求回报

爱一个人希望他过更好
他从心里暖暖的
你对自己更重要

都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
回忆里满足的旋律

都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你

细腻的喜欢
你手掌的厚实感
什么困难都觉得有希望

我很这个你自然的就接下一段
我知道暖暖就在胸膛

我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心的对我好
不要求回报

爱一个人希望他过更好
他从心里暖暖的
你对自己更重要

我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
从来都很低调
自信心不高
爱一个人希望他过更好

他从心里暖暖的
你对自己更重要

it's a sucky feeling to be sick, makes me feel so vulnerable.... and i started to listen to fish leong's songs, makes me so aargh! and i cried.... sigh, i think it's because my sis is nursing a break-up, and in my process of comforting her, i was reminded of the past too? haha, it's not as bad as it sounds, just feeling sorry for myself? i wanted to insert a long entry, but perhaps, it has to wait till tomorrow? when the 202 paper is done!!

i hope to finish studying.... although, i don't seem to be able to answer the past year papers, i still have faith!

hopefully, the paper will look nice tomorrow.... jiayou to me!!!